Over the weekend, I got into an argument with a friend (or more accurately, an acquaintance who mostly annoys me by shoving terribly unfunny jokes into conversations) about spoilers. We were playing Battlestar Galactica, my board game of the moment. Everyone but unfunny guy watched the show and wanted to discuss plot points that amused them. But unfunny guy whined “SPOILERS.”

No one complains about a spoiler like a nerd complains about a spoiler.

Now, personally, I am fucking sick of this spoilers business. Want to watch a TV show or movie in the dark? See it within a reasonable time frame. Fight Club is over ten years old. If  you really meant to watch it, you would have by now. I’m not going to watch my toes and apologize if I spill that the narrator is Tyler Durden.

The fucking entitlement gets to me. This attitude nerds* have that they deserve everything perfectly all the time. They deserve all the movies and TV shows they want for free, so they torrent them. They deserve women, they’re nice to them after all, so they bitch about the “friendzone” when their phony kindness doesn’t lead to sex. They deserve to watch every movie and TV show that ever existed without a single spoilers. God forbid, if they know a few plot points. What would be the purpose of watching sub-optimally  without every single shocking twist?

Get the fuck over it. Get over yourself.

And when I suggest you know what, you’ve had time to watch it– BSG ended in 2009!– they only complain more. I’m so busy. I don’t have time to watch everything.

No shit dumbass! No one has time for everything. We all have a certain amount of entertainment dollars and hours to spend and we make choices. If I chose to live 23 years without seeing Casablanca, a 50+ year old movie, I can’t expect to avoid the ending. I’m sure you had plenty of time to post irrelevant Futurama quotes on reddit and stalk your ex on Facebook.

And the guy that tries to sell me this “I’m so busy crap” is unemployed! Yeah. You’re so busy.

We’re adults. We’re all busy. But we make the things we want a priority. Whether it’s friends, family, significant others, work, art, games, or watching TV, if you truly care about it, you do it. I care about writing; I write every day. You care about whining; you whine every fucking minute.**

Worse. You scream spoilers. You scream busy. But you have no intention of watching this media property in the immediate future. So shut up about spoilers. I’m not going to avoid talking about any movie/book/TV show you haven’t seen/read.

But, if you tell me, well, Fiona Fire, I have Breaking Bad all queued up on iTunes and I’m going to watch this weekend, then I’ll keep my mouth shut about who lives and who dies.

If you say, I might watch Breaking Bad someday, then you get no special treatment. 

Honestly, I’m in a tizzy mostly because I don’t like this guy. He bugs me with his conversation-killing “humor.” He came to game night an hour late then announed he has to go in two hours, so can we play a fast game?

And, much more than that, this spoilers business fucking offends me. It says “if I know what happens, there is no point in watching something. I could never watch because the writing is good, the characters are relatable, and the show/movie is interesting. No. I only watch to see WHAT will happen. That’s all that matters.”

Who could have that fucking attitude about stories? It isn’t what happens. It’s how it happens. It’s who does it. It’s how you get there. Do you really think people are watching romantic comedies guessing if the guy will get the girl? Hell no. They know he will and the watch anyway. Because they enjoy the journey. They like seeing verbal sparring, sexual tension, and the twists and turns the prospective couple faces BEFORE they find each other.

It’s like slapping me in the face and saying “your writing skills don’t matter for shit. All that matters is the crazy twist you throw in at the end.” Fuck you then.

People have this attitude nowadays. They want everything and they want it now. They deserve it now. But they have no respect for the journey. The point of a movie isn’t the rush to the end. It’s to enjoy the 100 minutes leading to the finale (and hopefully the finale as well).

I’m going to have to buy this T-shirt.



* I’ve got no problem with nerds. I probably fall into the nerd category, not that it means anything any more. But there are people who like “nerdy” things. Then there are NERDS. And the latter has a fucking attitude problem. Probably from living in Mom’s basement and masturbating into a torn apart lightsaber while looking at furry porn.

**I hate semicolons, but I thought I’d give them a chance. Not terrible.


One thought on “Spoilers

  1. “But there are people who like “nerdy” things. Then there are NERDS. And the latter has a fucking attitude problem. Probably from living in Mom’s basement and masturbating into a torn apart lightsaber while looking at furry porn.”

    ROFL!!! 😜😝👍

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