Holy Awkwardness Batman


I know that no one feels sorry for my plight. No one pities my youth, beauty, or intellect. No one sympathizes with my problem of having too many male suitors.

And, honestly, I don’t think there are all that many. A few here and there, maybe. I’m not sure. Because they are almost never direct. These guys I meet at networking events always offer to go out for coffee under the guise of networking or talking about screenwriting.

Do most of them truly want to make screenwriter friends? Or are they looking for a no pressure date with no chance of rejection?

I don’t know because they don’t tell me. Now, I am positive that MANY (if not most) of these guys just want to network, make friends, etc. But there are very notable exceptions.

I met a guy at a networking thing a few months ago. I thought he was nice, albeit way too not funny for the amount of jokes he tried to cram into our conversation. We met for coffee, like you do, and I mentioned the existence of my BF several times.

He kept inviting me to see movie or go to karaoke. I finally agreed–I wanted to be friendly– and went to karaoke with a few of his friends. A normal friend activity.

I invited him to game night WITH MY BOYFRIEND. He came. Met my boyfriend. No problems.

He kept texting me, inviting me to movies. I figure, at this point, it must be clear I have a boyfriend. He must want to be friends.

But he kept wishing me sweet dreams via text. Sweet dreams? That didn’t seem like a friend move, but I excused it as him being weird/foreign.

Last night, we went to the movies.

He was late. We just missed the showtime and had to buy tickets for a show in an hour.

We go to the bar to kill some time. He tells me how he made out with some girl and it turned out she was his friend’s girlfriend.

He tells me a dozen similar stories where he got involved with a married or partnered girl.

I tell him, you need to be direct. If you like a girl, tell her you like her.

What about us, he says.

I stare at him awkwardly.

You have a boyfriend, but you’re seeing a movie with me.

I stir my drink.

I find you attractive.

Thank you, I say.

You have a boyfriend…

We’ve been dating for 5 years, I say.

I saw that on Facebook.

Good luck with that, I say.

So… we’re friends?

I nod.

I don’t think it would be fair to me to date someone with a boyfriend


And the worst part is, I just know he went home and complained about how he got friend zoned on Reddit. I mean, he was nice to a girl. He acted like he wanted to be her friend. And she didn’t reward him with her sweet, juice vagina – what is that? Madness. Madness.


One thought on “Holy Awkwardness Batman

  1. Pingback: Best of 2013 | fionafire

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