The Return of Awkwardness

You’d think after my little movie theater debacle I’d know better than to meet weird Japanese friend for tea, but you’d be wrong. Sure, I could have ignored this invite, since it was likely a copy + paste mass text, but I felt sorry for the guy. He clearly doesn’t have any friends if he has to beg everyone he knows to hang out ALL THE TIME.

We talked about movies TV for a while–the inevitable outcome of two aspiring screenwriters  meeting for coffee. I expressed my concerns over the general sexism and ickiness of Game of Thrones (rape, torture porn, tribe-like brown people) and … well, my training tells me to use an active verb, but an active verb doesn’t fit. He basically said I should just watch and enjoy things without being critical of them. I, personally, have no idea how to fully enjoy things without looking at them critically.

Then, out of nowhere, the topic switched gears. I’m lonely, he tells me. I need a girlfriend. Dating, I suggest. No. All the good ones are taken. Online dating? No. Online dating is for losers… exactly why it’s perfect for him, but I kept that to myself.

I lonely, he says. I need someone.

I stare blankly.

Maybe we should have sex, he says as if it’s a joke, although we both know it’s not.

I laugh it off. You know I have a BF.

He shrugs as if to say, that’s okay. Maybe we should have sex.

There are people you can pay for that. Professionals.

I know. I already tried, he says. Oh my… and he tells me how it’s no good. How it doesn’t have that intimacy. He just needs intimacy, going to movies, getting tea, talking, blow jobs.

At this point, I’m thinking I should leave. But I stay. I have to see where this conversation goes. I have to get to the depths of desperation.

I try to change the subject. He tells me about his childhood–he was bullied, poor thing. He really celebrates his pity party. He had no friends. He felt so sad. And now he works so hard but doesn’t have a real job… like his pathetic pleas will turn me on.

We should have sex, he pleads again. Again, I joke it off. I manage to change the subject long enough to get to goodbye.

We go to leave. I go for the handshake. He tries to kiss me. Pulls me into a hug. I give him a second to reveal in his desperation and push off him. He pulls me back. Really presses me tight. If I wasn’t in a public spot in the middle of the afternoon, I’d be concerned. The hug finally breaks and he says, I guess I’m pretty horny right now.


That happened.

I thought, after I clearly told him I have a BF, I’m not interested, I think of us as friends, that he got the idea. But, alas, he is denser than a canonball.

I have been wondering how I get myself into these situations, where boys tells me about their forays with prostitutes, oral sex, hentai, whatever. I think it’s because I always stay and listen when so many people would run or shut down the conversation. I always want to see where it’s going, even if it can only go someplace terrible.

I’m almost tempted to keep this guy around as a friend. He’s such a great source of comic material. I couldn’t make this shit it. It’s too obvious and mundane. But that’s exactly what makes it perfect comic fodder. This scene is going in a script somewhere, sometime. What kind of guy flat out asks for sex, four times, after already getting shut down? How can you be so unable to read social cues, so pathetic?

A note to any readers, male or female. Your life is not a cheesy romcom. You know that friend who made it clear that you two are just friends–they don’t want to be more than friends. You are not in the friend zone. Your friend already sees how great you are. He/she simply isn’t interested. If you can’t deal with this, get a new friend.


2 thoughts on “The Return of Awkwardness

  1. Pingback: Best of 2013 | fionafire

  2. The guy certainly has a pathetic level of desperation, but I feel sorry for the guy. He reached out to you, albeit in an awkward, weird, creepy way, and got shot down. I wonder how long it will be before he ends up in rehab for something or another.

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