Dealing with Life Shit

I’ve been dripping with stress the last week, more stress than I’ve ever had to contend with while tutoring. I can attack the issue many ways, but, basically, my boss has issues.

I messed up with my first student, wasn’t friendly enough, and they requested another tutor. I owned up to the mistake and explained what happened when asked for my reasons. No big deal, right? I thought so, but the boss kept asking for reasons, then telling me I was being defensive. I got upset, started crying (way embarrassing). The next time we talked, for yet another training, she acted supportive then lectured me for getting emotional. Uh, what? I explained that I was upset for a few reasons, one that she was giving me an attitude about the allergies I disclosed during the interview. She apologized for not being supportive.

Then, two days later, she calls with more feedback from the family. Apparently I didn’t introduce myself. I say I don’t remember, but I take their word for it. I was distracted by the dogs, the allergy issue she failed to mention to the family. She lectures me about needing to be warmer, make sure I introduce myself. She can’t believe she would have to explain that to someone when it’s such common sense. She TAKES BACK HER APOLOGY. Yes, she actually takes back her apology.

At this point, I am so frustrated I’m about to cry. I cry when I’m frustrated, especially when I’m PMSing. Sue me. She lectures me on crying last time. If I had an office job and I pulled that, I’d be fired. I say I don’t see how that is relevant. I don’t add that if I had an office job I’d have a guarantee of hours, health care, and no responsibility to file self-employment tax. She chides me for never having had an office job, not knowing how to take feedback. I don’t add that I’ve gotten feedback 1,000 times, sometimes really mean feedback, and never once cried over it. I don’t add that she’s already told me about three different tutors she had trouble with, who didn’t react to feedback the way she liked. I don’t add that it seems like the common thread is her. And I certainly don’t take back my apology, even if I never meant it.

And thus I was stressed all weekend. I ask myself if all this stress is worth it. This woman has only procured me two students despite bragging about how busy she is nonstop. My bf and BFF told me to quit. My dad suggested I hang on, seeing as how I don’t have students of my own.

I’m hanging on for now. But I’ve never felt so stressed out by work. It doesn’t seem right. It doesn’t seem normal.

Thankfully, I dove into my writing and emerged with a renewed sense of priorities. Writing is the thing I care about, remember? I am way past dealing with all this bullshit. If I have another incident of totally rude, condescending bullshit, I will quit. I need to focus on building my own tutoring business anyway. That way I set the rules, I make twice as much money, and I can do things my way.

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